PYG, will help you to guide your children in the direction you want, negotiating what they want doing tasks that help them learn responsibility and help at home.

Helping to shape the behavior of your children is a fundamental part of the work of parents. This can be as difficult as it is rewarding. Although sometimes it can be a great challenge, some basic principles can help.

Be an example of good behavior

 Children learn by observing all the people around them, especially their parents. When you use good manners and good coping strategies, you are teaching your children to do the same.

Point out to children when adults share. Children often believe that they are the only ones who have to have “good manners”, “share” and “take turns”. So when the adults share, make them notice their children. For example:

“Daddy is sharing his drink with Mom.” How well do you share, Daddy! “

Give a good example of ways to reassure yourself. Teach your children how to calm down when they are upset or frustrated. For example, if you are frustrated by being in the middle of a traffic jam, you can say,

“Mommy is very frustrated right now.” Please help me calm down by breathing 10 times deep with me.

 Teach children to express what they feel. If you feel really frustrated, you may want to say, “Right now you’re driving me crazy.” Instead of saying that, try to express your real feelings: “Mommy is very frustrated right now.” This teaches children to say what they feel instead of criticizing or saying phrases that hurt. Then help your children do this when they are angry. For example:

“You look sad.”

If it is not correct, allow your children to correct it.

Behavior + attention = more behavior

If you are like we are almost all, you will leave your children alone if they are behaving well, but when your children are behaving badly, you will give them your full attention. This tends to be counterproductive. Paying attention to bad behavior is that they use bad behavior to draw attention!

The best way to improve behavior is to pay close attention to children when they are doing something that you like and do not pay attention to them when they are doing something they do not like.

An easy way to increase good behavior is by describing the good deed and praising them when they make a real effort. For example:

How well you paid attention the first time I tell you!

“Good use of low voice when we’re inside.”

It may be difficult to get used to doing it, but it gets easier the more we do.

The Meter of Attention

When children receive enough positive attention from themselves, they do not need to behave badly to get attention. Always remember to give your children lots of love and affection throughout the day, every day. A very easy way to do this is to enjoy the time together. Playing with your children for as little as 5 minutes can give very good results, especially when returning home from work or after doing a due diligence. When playing with your children, let them choose the toy and be in charge of the game. It can be difficult not to tell your children what to do or ask a lot of questions, but it’s best not to. Instead try to just describe what your children are doing (“I see you’re working to build a tall tower or you’re stacking those blocks)” and congratulate them: “It’s good that you sit there while we play.”

Another way is to pay attention to them when they behave well, without distracting them while they are doing it, is with a soft caress and affectionate; For example, by gently touching your shoulder or back. It is recommended that you have 50 to 100 brief physical contacts or caresses with your children every day.

You can reduce bad behaviors if you do not pay attention to them, but this only works as long as you are paying close attention when you do well. The simplest way to do this is by ignoring them. Ignoring means not talking to them, looking at them or touching them when their children are misbehaving. The secret to ignore working is to make sure you pay attention to it as soon as you leave the bad behavior, such as saying:

“Calm down, I think you’re ready to play.”

It is important not to ignore dangerous behaviors that need you to pay attention right away.

For more information contact us or go to www.yaconsulting.org

www.healthychildren.org